When it comes to wedding and the fanfare attach to it, some people go all out to out do themselves. They'd invite the whole village, town or city if possible. They'd spend their last savings and more if available. When the wedding is over, when the noise is subsided, when all the "families" and "friends" are gone, then it hits, really, really hard, too. They remember that the funds set aside for the honeymoon was used to buy few bottles of expensive drinks for people who might not have contributed significantly to the occasion at all. And then, it hits even harder at that point; "How Big or Small Should The Wedding Be"
SHE SAYS: It depends. It depends on the financial status of the couples, it depends on the contributing factors they are faced with, it depends on support from families, reliable friends, well wishers and the confidence the couple have. But relatively, a wedding in itself, if must be defined, should be big or small as per the perception the couples hold.
HE SAYS: Make it small, make it unique, make it simple, make it a signature event, make it memorable, make it rewarding, make close, and make it yours and most of all make it a very happy occasion. Remember, when the dust settles, it would be just the two of you left holding the tilt. Wondering where to get money from again to pay the bills, do other things or take a honey moon.
SHE SAYS: Unfortunately, it is unfortunate for newly weds to be in the position they sometimes find themselves. Let's assume, financially they are not potent, yet, the bride who has a minute portion of the wedding demands a flamboyant occasion. Now, inconsiderate of her spouse's financial status, especially in times like these, she blows it out of proportion on claims, it is her day and she should be given the privilege to exploit every available situation as required. Ignorant or unconscious of the fact that at such crucial time; the Groom to be is stressed, worried and somehow overloaded with additional burdens.
HE SAYS: True, my friend, true. This is supposed to be a time of love, reflections, and planning for tomorrow. Children, their education, a home, if you don't have one, a life after the occasion is over; the things that will bind you closer together for years to come. You are right, most women don't see it as a burden to the man; they see it as his responsibilities and that he needs to shoulder the occasion no matter what his financial status is at the time. A mistake of proportionalkind, because it is the same shoulders you will need to lean on to make it after the wedding.
SHE SAYS: On the contrary, a man should always stand his ground. What he's worth and what he can do and at what time it is required. He should know his capabilities, and reliabilities. Reason being, most men would at this point in time, want to impress the bride's families, friends, well wishers and observers, to make relevant his standings or status. Furthermore, because of this syndrome of embedded tendency of "showcase or showoff" many brides ignore the cost of the event and the needs for tomorrow only to accommodate the extravagance of the present.
HE SAYS: I know this could be a different topic, but by tradition who should pay for the wedding anyway? I am of the impression that it is the bride's parents who are supposed to undertake the wedding expenses. Anyway, I am not too hip on the traditions of marriages. But I know that the couple needs to be financially grounded after the wedding. The lack of finance so early in the marriage could begin to put unnecessary stress and strains on the relationship. This could spell disaster in the long run if the couple understands each other. Otherwise, the worse could happen earlier.
SHE SAYS: Albeit, many people do not understand it this way. But from my perspective, a wedding should neither be big nor small but rather uniquely organized to suit its purpose. It should be fun, joy, contentment, laughter, and romantic as you said, but memorable. I say this to say that, it is just about you two; before and after. Remember, your invitees will not be there when it's all over. Your previous problems would still exist even with the wedding being ended. Now, with all you have exhausted doing this show off and bossy occasion, you are left with practically nothing but frowns and regrets, leaving the question, "had we known", to be the order of your inner thoughts. and regrets, leaving the question, "had we known", to be the order of your inner thoughts.
HE SAYS: Picking your ideal mate who would be your friend for life, who would understand you in all things you do, in all of your challenges actually begin with seeing how she conducts herself and the affairs of this moment. How she relates to you in one of the most stressful times in your life should actually give you enough clues as to what lies ahead. Don't get me wrong though, it's a time of stress, everyone handles stress differently and her outlook on things may be much different many years down the road. But trust me; the simple and major decisions in times like these are tell-tale signs for the years ahead.
SHE SAYS: Basically, it is not about the wedding being big or small, but rather the understanding that exists between the bride and groom. If what they feel for each other is true, then it is obvious the occasion can as well take any shape or size. But if their emotions are based on conditions, then they should rather limit their resources to a small but convenient occasion. Additionally, what use is a flamboyant occasion if it won't last? What use is extravagance if there is no commitment? What use would a show off wedding be if the bride becomes a dictator? Or rather still, the groom, becomes non supportive? I believe, with an honest opinion, that both bride and groom should foremost discuss, organize and share their plans for what they are about to undertake.
HE SAYS: Weddings are about individualities, rich, poor, societal, learned, unlearned or otherwise. But it must be considerate in its planning and preparations. It must take all its annexure into consideration, the invitees, the environment and what comes after when all is said and done. Overall, a wedding should be the size of your pockets and purse and not the pockets and purses of others.
SHE SAYS: Conclusively, many people go to jail or are held in contempt after their wedding because they were indebted to people and businesses with whom they earlier pleaded for financial and material support to carry them through. Conversely, this should not be so. A man must be wise and born of wisdom to direct his and his wife's paths. He must be rational, judgmental, understanding and patiently endow with the sense of realities of today's environment. At the same time, women, being the weaker and most vulnerable vessel, must take the trend of a more economically minded partner so as to enhance the weaknesses and strengths of what their partners undergo daily. The smaller the wedding, the more reserves there will be when it's over. The bigger the wedding, the less there would be financially. Therefore, let us all be wise and reserve what we can for the latter and lavish what is available when we are capable. less there would be financially. Therefore, let us all be wise and reserve what we can for the latter and lavish what is available when we are capable.
HE SAYS: I am for smaller weddings, but whatever the matter, the weddings will go on, those who want to plan bigger wants will always do, even if they rely on others to underwrite the cost. In the end, it's their happiness that matter the most. And it's actually sweet to see the couple walking out, getting into their car, and driving away into the unknown.
This column comes your way every Wednesday on this page. Be a guest HE or SHE in our column, visit or call our office. You can also read more online at www.inprofiledaily.com or contact us at email@example.com. In this edition, SHE is Martha E. Akorsah and HE is Carlton Boah.